The Travails of being 30 & Single
My sister how far na,
How is he,
When are we coming to eat your rice na
I go soon tie your asoebi IJN sis
There is no perfect man out there just manage
The lord is your strength,
I pray your heart desires are met this year IJN
The lord will do it for you this year.
Ah better calm down oo sister, time is not your friend,
This your shakara is too much oo, sister calm down men is scare,
What is happening na,
Is there a problem?
It doesn’t matter how successful, happy or fulfilled you feel, everywhere you go, just like MTN, there are people, both males and females of all ages, stationed to make derogatory statements or attempt to put you down for not being married.
“Your friends” who have bagged the “social trophy” of a husband, will suddenly look at you as the enemy trying to destroy their marriage (as if it’s a destination or piece of property) when you give candid advice on just about anything that directly or indirectly affects them. Meanwhile the reverse is the case, as they feel that, their married status have imbued them with spiritual and physical wisdom, including the license to make their opinions known on everything that concerns you.
Suddenly your social media pages, status, display pictures and personal messages become their obsessive TV channels. Those whose carnality is more than obvious, become spiritual prophets and supervisors overnight, seeing visions concerning you and holding prayer sessions in your name.
In gratingly cheerful voices filled with undertones of scorn, envy or malice, their first greeting to you wherever they see you is “how is he?” You can never extricate yourself from their sticky company whether physical or by social media without the sanctimonious prayer “the lord will do it for you this year or your deepest heart desires are met this year IJN” tagged on as a goodbye. lol
Regardless of the fact that, you might have a serious relationship more genuine than their “whited sepulcher marriages”, you are trailed with hurtful careless words from those you hold dear and strangers alike.
In my case, it was quite hilarious as everyone who knows me, knew I never gave a shit for social conventions or would ever sacrifice my happiness on the altar of people pleasing. Alas that didn’t stop some of my lovely friends from falling in the social trap of distaining those who are single when you are married.
This marriage social trap is responsible for over 90% of the unhappy, failed and destructive marriages we have today in Nigeria, not to talk of divorce and separation rates.
My advice to any happy, single, independence lady out there, who happens to be 30, is to “CUT OFF THE NEGATIVITY/PRESSURE, so it doesn’t wear you out like water on a stone or sand”.It doesn’t matter if the negativity or pressure comes from your loved ones, including your mom or dad. “CUT IT OFF” by putting physical and emotional distance between you.
If it comes from “friends” don’t hesitate to shut it down fast before it becomes a vicious pattern. If they don’t repent, CUT THEM OFF! Believe me, you will make more “friends” (Hopefully true friends) Life is too short to live a pressured life when you don’t have to.
If it comes from your social circle, which includes religious, work and creative circles, shut it down, and make it known that you don’t entertain such redundant reasoning or talk around or directed at you.
It is necessary to do this, so you can have a healthy relationship with who you are involved with or be clearheaded when you choose the person, you want to give a chance.
Are you 30 and single, familiar with this phrases or have more sicko phrases you’ve heard being directed at a 30 and single sister. Pls share with me, using the hashtag #30&SingleMillareFashion.
Till next time
Photgraphy: Jefferson Arebun
Shoes: Zara Woman